Reified identity

Yesterday I was talking with a friend who is interested in gender studies and she mentioned a couple that is attempting to raise their child without a gender.

I'm all for not pushing gender stereotypes on children and I think that any reasonable person would agree, you should create an environment in which children feel free to express themselves, whatever form that expression may take.

In my mind, though, trying to push your ideas of the importance and role of gender onto a child is inappropriate. Ethics aside, I simply see no real difference between raising your child in a gender neutral environment and raising your child in a "gender heavy" environment. Either way, you're really just pushing your opinion of gender on the child and this can result in a lot of confusion. I appreciate the idea that individuals should be allowed to choose their gender, but I don't think that's realistic or reasonable; either gender is a social construct and any choice isn't really going to be much of a choice or gender is something determined by biology and you're just really confusing the kid.

People are conditioned and gender is part of that conditioning. We should be aware of the limitations of our conditioning and transcending those conditions we're able to is positive. I just don't think that gender is one of those limitations we can transcend.

I think the main reason I find this idea irksome is that it's the same type of reification of identity that I see happening in so many communities; the gay community, minority communities, feminist communities, etc. These communities more often than not, in my oh-so-humble opinion, attach too much importance to very incidental aspects of their existences. It shouldn't be important that you're a woman or a minority or a homosexual; it's important who you are and what you do in your condition with your life. That's not to say that we should ignore these differences. Personally, I love Tibetan culture and I think its preservation is important. If you think that gay culture is important or interesting and you want to study it or become involved, that's fine. I just think there are many people who attach too much importance to it and this causes a lot of tension and the more tension you have, the more problems you're going to have.

As an example, the same friend that mentioned this couple also gets quite offended when someone talks about gender in a disparaging way. My opinion is that if she took her gender or gender less seriously and was less tense about it, she wouldn't suffer offense as frequently and wouldn't feel so negatively when people disparage it, which I would like to point out is most often in the form of jokes or gentle ribbing.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe this is all part of my personal tension. Regardless, I think that people are too tense and should really learn how to relax.

Speaking of relaxing, I should really go do some practice. Ciao.